What a daffodil can teach us about improving our writing in the Discomfort Zone

The power of challenging ourselves and being playful

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Hello everyone.

January and February are the dim days of winter here in the UK. The weather is cold or wet, or wet and cold. The nights are long, nature is stark and quiet. When I go for a walk, I often see flocks of birds rootling for food in open fields, then lifting into heavy skies, calling out insults, indignant at me for disturbing their work.

I read somewhere that many birds become less territorial in winter, pooling together to improve their chances of finding food, for protection against predators, for warmth. They have learned, until it’s deep in their bones, that when times are tough, they need to stick together. This got me thinking about human nature, that need to feel safe and comfortable, especially when the external world feels a harsh, unforgiving place.

 While I was walking this week, squelching along a muddy track and cursing at the steady drizzle, I grumpily wondered why I was there, outside my comfort zone, when I could be indoors, cosy, warm, and dry. Then, a little further on, I saw a splash of yellow in the undergrowth - a single, brave daffodil, the first I have seen this year.

These flowers normally emerge in the cusp between late winter and early spring, fragile but bright against the browns and tans and greys. I wouldn’t have seen this little symbol of hope and renewal if I hadn’t pushed myself to pull on my walking boots, bundled myself in layers of clothes, and risked wet feet and muddy legs to get some fresh, clean air.

Back home, I reflected on how, as writers, we can ‘be more daffodil’ – deliberately putting ourselves into a place of discomfort and challenge in order to grow, if only we can overcome our natural reluctance.

I know through my own writing practice, and working with many writers as a tutor and editor, that it is all too easy to stay in the Comfort Zone. Things feel familiar and certain, the work produced feels controllable, and there is little threat to self-esteem. But there is a levy to pay for this - you don’t push to learn new things. Entering the Discomfort Zone challenges us to look at how we might do things differently, how we might reap reward in our writing through risk and experimentation.

What I have also learned, is the anticipation of going into that Discomfort Zone is often worse than the reality. It can lead to procrastination, or even self-sabotage. The solution is to embrace it, and understand that by staying with uncomfortable feelings for a while, the initial reluctance will pass. Discomfort is a muscle we need to exercise to help build our resilience.

Of course, as ever, it’s about balance. You can take things too far and overreach into a kind of Anxiety Zone. A place where the challenge is so great it leads to negative thinking, a perceived sense of threat, too much vulnerability.

The boundary between discomfort and anxiety is different for all of us. But there are ways, I believe, to keep on the right side of that boundary, for all writers. These can include:  

• Creating a positive vision about challenging your writing habits.

• Normalising and understanding negative reactions to change

• Reaching out for support from other writers

• Ensuring we understand that this is about gentle challenge, not a full-blown threat to our writing.

Another way is to think of discomfort as an opportunity to be playful. The author Dr Stephanie Carty, whose new book The Writing Mirror will be featured soon on Writing Talk, has a section on the book on playfulness and says the following:

“For some writing sessions, you can choose to take a playful approach to the process of writing. That is to say, not being tied to specific ways of working or expectation of a goal, as the process itself becomes the play.”

I think this can be applied to working in the Discomfort Zone, through writing exercises that touch on situations and scenarios that are about taboo and the forbidden, and encouraging you to write about these ideas in a playful way that is different from your normal practice. It puts you in a place of rule-breaking and boundary pushing. It gets you to dig around in ambiguity and complexity.

This is something all good writers need to do, not for shock value or in an attention-seeking way, but because in taking risks and being playful, you are challenged to find new ideas, truths and depths to your writing.

Below are a couple of  exercises based around taboo and the forbidden (the first one a short warm-up, the second one a longer exercise). Give them a whirl, and remember: Be More Daffodil!

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Public argument (warm up exercise)

Arguing loudly in a public place is a taboo (to differing degrees) in many cultures. The more incongruous the setting, the more uncomfortable it feels. Imagine a couple having a blazing row in a library. Imagine two strangers bellowing at each other in a hushed museum or gallery. Imagine a newly married couple getting into a massive disagreement at the wedding reception.

Alternatively, it could be an argument with an authority figure – for example with a ticket inspector on a board a commuter train, or a parent rowing with a teacher at Parent’s Evening. I’m sure we’ve all seen at least one of these scenarios unfold. They are both fascinating and uncomfortable.

You could relate this to your own life. Think about the last time someone upset or annoyed you in public and you ignored it. What if you didn’t? What if you confronted that person? How would that story pan out?

Two things to keep in mind as you write. Don’t resort to violence or guns as a solution to confrontation. It’s too common and too easy. And think about what’s the story beneath the story. Why did your character(s) break taboo? Why are they prepared to have this argument? What’s really going on? Can you imply and infer that without saying it out loud?

You can attack this freestyle, or if you want to put some more structure on this, write it in a “tennis rally” style. For example:

He said: “Can you control the child please.”
She said: “It’s not that easy.”
He said: “Well, if they had some discipline...”
She said: “Someone probably said that to your disaster of a mother…”

This is intended as a quick warm up exercise for about 10-15 minutes, but as ever, if you feel a story taking off then don’t stop, keep going!

Touch writing exercise

Touch has always been a sense associated with taboo. For religious or cultural or social or safety reasons, touch is out of bounds in many circumstances. There are people and objects that we are free to see, hear or even smell, but we cannot touch them. All of which makes touch fertile ground for an exercise about taboo.

I want you to create a piece of writing about character that has an overwhelming desire to touch something forbidden.

What could you use as the touch subject? Someone else’s clothing? Someone’s skin or hair? A pregnant woman’s bump? A prosthetic limb? The leaves of a poisonous tree? Does your character want to touch someone who has done them damage? Do they want to feel their way in the dark to a locked door behind which is something forbidden? Do they want to stand in soft cheese and let it ooze between their toes? (No, I don’t know where this last one came from either!)

Try making a quick list of touch taboos and see which one sings to you. Then, before writing, think about:

• Why does your character want this forbidden thing so badly? What is driving this sensuous desire? What’s the underlying story here?

• What might they lose if they touch or are caught touching?

• What are they prepared to do to touch the object of their desire?

• What happens if someone finds out?

• How might it change them?

If you’re finding ideas tricky to come up with, think back to your own life when confronted with something that was deemed out of bounds. Who warned you against it? Did you disobey? Why? Was it worth it? And what do you wish you’d done differently?

If you want to do this as a timed exercise, then take about 10 minutes to come up with your list and five minutes to find the one that appeals to you, then write for up to 45 minutes. Try in that time to get a rough draft down. 

And please don’t forget to leave comments, thoughts, reflections or questions using the button below. I’m always happen to chat with you.

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